O HAI YOU MAY REMEMBER MY BABY WHO DOES NOT SLEEP
Once again, Baby E (or maybe I should transition to just plain E, or maybe Little E? He laughs when we say “little” these days) has not been sleeping well. We don’t know why. The neurologist can’t really say, though he did raise E’s nightly dose of Keppra to .75ml.
We’ve also got E in the crib, although it is not necessarily a crib the American Academy of Pediatrics would recognize. But he stays asleep in it for a few hours at a time. How to get him to sleep through the night? It’s anyone’s guess.
Luckily, our neurology nurse was happy to be anyone, and she held forth with a bunch of ridiculous sleep advice. I listened, and then after a while I had to hold the phone away from my head and look at it, because what were these words coming out of it. And after that I had to say (not out loud, but) “Really? You work every day with kids who have some form or other of brain damage, and you think that the best advice you can give me is just to sit in the room with him until he calms down?” [Bolded for THIS NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS UNLESS HE IS BEING HELD. HOURS, PEOPLE. HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS.]
Special points to this woman for closing her sleep anecdote with a “well, this worked for my kids.* And self-soothing is a learned trait!” Thanks, ma’am. I am sure this helps all your patients.
I’m reaching the end of my already-frayed tether, though. One of these nights, I am going to have to put him down and walk out of the room, because I can no longer function as a parent, an adult, or a human without more than two consecutive hours of sleep. And he is going to cry all night, because he’s E and it’s hard for him to learn.** I don’t know if he can be sleep-trained. But bottom line, I need to stop writing about sleep. Every time I crow about E sleeping through the night he decides to go a few months of waking every couple hours. So shut up, me.
*Who have no brain problems. But whatevs, right?
**Direct quote from our ever-helpful ped. He avoids telling us to sleep-train, but hints we should just sleep-train, and that it might not work, but if it does, it might take a month or longer. Seriously, this was a conversation. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a bag of WTF and I cannot get out. Help.
AW SUGAR SUGAR
Still eating plenty of sugar, though I’ve managed to slow down on the portion sizes. I downloaded one of those helpful charts that tells you what you REALLY should be eating when you crave X unhealthy food, but all it does is make me think, no, I don’t want to eat a handful of nuts, I want some fucking chocolate. I tried the starch/fat replacement of sugars/sweets, but that only led to the discovery of the specialty Philly cheesesteak. Did you know you can get them not only with mushrooms, but with french fries and coleslaw? Sugar, PSHAW.
I am also enjoying limeade. Carry on, society.