Candy, candy, candy. Eat a damn apple.

Longtime readers of this blog* may remember my penchant for crappy candy. (If not, here’s a handy link.) Recently I decided to challenge myself and cut the stuff out of my diet. Not desserts, and especially not homemade sweets, but all candy. Why?

Because I can’t. Stop. Eating. It.

I am tempted to insert a gif of Fat Bastard crying about the cycle of unhappiness and gorging, since sadly that is the only pop culture reference I can think of outside of a Lifetime movie that references binge-eating. But then I remember, Fat Bastard is terrible, as is that movie. Whew. Close call, that one.

Anyway, I’ve made it from March 1 (when I ate a whole bag of Red Starburst Jellybeans) to the end of the month, and as a reward for my candy abstinence, I have purchased:

  • a large bag of Mini Eggs
  • a large bag of Starburst Jellybeans
  • assorted chocolate Easter candy
  • milk

But Peppery! you say, clutching your pearls in horror. You just went a month without candy! You can’t start back in, you’ll only binge again! And then your unsuspecting liver, kidneys, and gall bladder will all explode under the surprise onslaught of sugar! Noooo!

To which I respond, clutching my own pearls in horror triumph, Nay! This is but a new challenge! I have gone a month without any candy. The new challenge is this: I will limit the number of pieces of candy I can have per day. Very Weight Watchers of me, yes? No? (Any Weight Watchers fans/members out there? I welcome your input on my comparisons.)

It’s possible this will not work, and I’ll have to return to my NO CANDY IN THE HOUSE rule. But I like moderation in most things, and I have to at least try to impose it here.

Okay, the above is all lies and I’m really just sore at almost missing out on Easter Candy Season, which is an actual holiday in my house. Maybe. Mini Eggs, here I come.


*There was one, back in the day.


3 thoughts on “Candy, candy, candy. Eat a damn apple.

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