I know I included Baby E in my Resolutions post, but I’ve got more to say about him. This year, I plan to:
- Be more assertive with his doctors and therapists and any other caregivers he might acquire.
- Research. Okay, I’ve been researching his various possible maladies and various possible treatments. I will keep on doing it.
- Accept bad days, waves of sadness and/or depression, and hopeless feelings along with the days and feelings of happiness, joy, hopefulness. I am still trying to wrap my head around accepting that things are not going to be smooth for Baby E. With that head-wrapping comes a lot of sadness, and then hot on the heels of that come shame and self-loathing for feeling sad and not just accepting Baby E. as he is. I guess I’m still in the grieving stage. I’d love to climb out of it for good. And I’m thinking the key is in accepting the feelings, if I can’t accept Baby E.’s future.
- Along with #3, remember the words of my aunt. She’s got a degree in Music Therapy and has worked with special needs kids for as long as I can remember. She said, “It’s important to remember that he is who he is.” Not He will be who he will be, and who knows what that will be? Not Wait and see. God, it was so good to hear. Which is funny, because it’s so close a phrase to “it is what it is,” one of my least favorite phrases. Somehow this didn’t seem pretentious at all when she said it.
- Inflict upon my family endless videos and pics of Baby E. Their unstinting adoration of the little baggage has made me fairly BLOAT with love for them. I try to be my cranky normal self around them, but it’s hard.