Very, very, very, very difficult to listen to (certain) people whine about their (correctable by use of self-awareness) problems right now. It makes me want to walk out of the room and go home and snuggle with Baby E. As I can’t do that right now, I hope I look very suave as I grind my teeth.
Everything, seriously. Baby E. will not allow us to put him down right now. He cries if we do. We get lucky sometimes and he falls asleep in our arms, and then we try (1-5 times, usually) to gently settle him in his Rock ‘n Play. 4 out of 5 times he’ll cry and we pick him back up, rock him back to sleep, and try again. I can’t believe I was bitching about him waking up once a night. What a FOOL.
In the meantime, I cradle him and feed him and listen to a podcast, or more frequently, turn on PBS1, 2 and 3. I am getting astonishingly into PBS3’s cooking shows. Made these Rick Bayless potato-chorizo sopes a few days ago, and they were excellent. (Although the house now has no resale value. Apparently chorizo is bowel-kryptonite to both me AND A.) Other things we’re watching: all the Star Trek movies (except for part V, because ugh, part V), all of Sherlock seasons 1&2, Buffy season 2, all the Quentin Tarantino movies, all of The Office (British), and I recently started eyeing The Evil Dead. Because there’s nothing better than screams and splatters to developing ears, am I right? Ugh, again. Maybe not.
Not too much right now, it’s hard to concentrate and I’m trying to capitalize on sleep when I can. Also it’s hard to hold certain sizes of books when I’m holding Baby E and standing. (He knows when I try to sit down. All babies do, though.)
A.’s dad sent us a letter. I know it will be kind, but I’m worried about opening it and seeing “this is God’s plan,” however kindly expressed. It reminds me of when people attribute good fortune to being “blessed.” Wow, really? So the natural reverse is, if life’s going badly, it’s because I’m cursed? Can I respond any other way than fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck yooooooooooooooou? (Yes, probably, especially to family. I know they don’t mean to be sanctimonious or hurtful. But I am not feeling the Everything Happens For A Reason/You’re Doing Great, New Mom/Okay Then Bye And See You At Christmas singalong medley. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go eat a whole cake.)
Trying to finish a short story I started a couple of months ago. It’s going okay. Nice distraction.