Dear God Please Let It Stop…in 6-8 Weeks
So that last post was just to continue that typical shallow positivity displayed on blogs, Facebook, etc. You know, the bland LOOK AT THIS IT’S A PICTURE OF MY BABY/LOVER/DINNER/VACATION, MY LIFE IS WONDERFUL AND DISTILLABLE DOWN TO A SIMPLE IMAGE, GOOD FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS FOR EVERYONE. So there you go, simple baby picture.
Hmm. I think my lack of sleep is showing. In actuality, the last couple weeks have been hellacious. When I am in my Right Mind (this usually comes after a few blessed hours of sleep uninterrupted by crying/feeding/burping/no burping/more crying/shrieking/deafness), yes, my Right Mind, I am unsure what exactly is happening. Here are some options:
1) Baby is in non-lethal distress due to being A Baby, and A. and I can do nothing except wait it out, because babies cry a lot. We are having trouble dealing with this because we are selfish new parents who cannot come to grips with giving our full attentions and lives to a new and helpless creature.
2) Baby has some horrible complication and will die soon since we have not taken him to the ER, aka we are still bad parents.
When I am in my Wrong Mind, which is frequently these nights, I think, How the everloving fuck does anyone ever make it through these first few weeks/months? How do babies EVEN SURVIVE their first weeks? Why did no one talk about this? Does everyone just forget about it when their baby smiles at them for the first time?
I’m hoping so. Our mom-dad-baby bonding process is coming along slower than I’d like already, since Baby had to live out his first month on Earth in the NICU. And everything I read tells me that preemies take longer to get situated or “organized” in their new surroundings, so it’s even likelier that we’ll have an extended period of this crying from 7 p.m. to 4 a.m. crap. But I keep thinking there must be something magical that I am missing.
The night-crying jags are even beginning to stress out the dog: she puked this morning and still refuses to eat her food. Instead she curls up by my feet or in front of the house door. Poor pooch. Nana she ain’t.
Books About Preemies That I Am Enjoying
That’s pretty self-explanatory, isn’t it? Seriously, these are good, helpful reads if you’re in my preemie boat. Some of the pub dates give me pause because they’re a little old, but a lot of the information is reasonably fresh or still current with what we’ve seen in the NICU out here. Then again, we ARE in the middles of bum-fuck-nowhere, as my old dear friend Heather would say, so keep that in mind.
Newborn Intensive Care: what every parent needs to know / Jeannette Zaichkin, editor
The Preemie Parents’ Companion: the essential guide to caring for your premature baby in the hospital / Susan L. Madden (**note, there may be a later edition of this with a different title.)
Preemies: the essential guide for parents of premature babies / Dana Wechsler Linden, Emma Trenti Paroli (**note, definitely multiple editions of this one are available.)
These books are a bit dense at 2:30 a.m. when you’re frantically trying to figure out how to stop your new sweet preemie baby from screaming, but aren’t all books in that situation too dense? In any case, good stuff for when you too are in your Right Mind.
When you are in your Wrong Mind, that is when you pass the baby off to your partner, or put him in the crib and go sit in the dark bathroom while he cries, to ponder and question your ability and readiness to parent. Ha ha! It’s too late! Get to it, sucker!
On The Plus Side…
I escaped to Goodwill for half an hour yesterday and bought several snazzy button-down (aka nursing-friendly) shirts, so I can stop borrowing A’s. Hurray for secondhand clothing.
Also the dog just took a tentative munch of food. Woo!