The Devil is in the House

Yep. It’s Devil Pred time. :(

We saw the fetal specialist last week. After our (fifth! Good god!) ultrasound, during which we learned that the babe’s fluid is still doing great. We also saw more hair. We also learned that the baby is currently transverse breech — he’s lying sideways, the ding-dong. While the docs think he’ll probably turn or drop or whatever they call it when babies assume the nice, easy head-down position, a stubbornly transverse baby at labor time means C-section.  So I’m going to do all the awesome advice outlined at Pregnant Chicken for turning a breech babe:

How to Turn a Breech Baby

(I will also require A. to orate at my abdomen through a toilet paper tube. Sssh, don’t tell him it’s not very reliable.)

But anyway, back to devilish medications. The fetal specialist was very clear: prednisone would be better for the baby in the last few months of pregnancy, and better for breastfeeding. So this week I’m stopping the Imuran, and switching to 20 mg of prednisone. We’ll see how it goes.

Something he didn’t touch on was that being on prednisone will distinctly limit my breastfeeding time. Why, you ask? Because judging from the delightful side effects I’ve detailed here before, I think the less time that pred and Life-Changing Newborn Child interact, the better.

This makes me sad. I don’t care if jerk-face judgy people get on me for not breastfeeding, not really. I hold the really judgy-about-motherhood-choices folks in the same esteem I hold those great crusaders who harass people with disability tags who don’t “look” disabled enough. They will probably just give me sad looks and tell me I’m denying my baby…something-something nutrients and healthiness and bonding, not to mention that I’m not allowing my uterus to recover naturally, and then I can say, “Yeah, and think of all the fucking money I’m blowing on formula when I could be freeloading off my own body! It’s so depressing!” And then we’d all be confusedly on the same side, perhaps.

do care about the money. I care about the longer uterine recovery period and the baby’s health, all those things. But I would rather be sane and not mood-swingin’ while handling a newborn, my first ever kid. I’m not expecting to be all smooth and earth-mothery. I’m expecting to be anxious as hell. I expect that Am I doing this right? will be my daily prayer for the next year. So mix all that up and add some mood swings and poor sleep — just a couple of the crappy side effects that regular prednisone use provides free of charge, ones that Imuran doesn’t. That doesn’t strike me as an ideal environment to drop a kid, much less in which to be a new mom.

It’s anxious and frustrating, and I’m pissed to have a bottle of prednisone in my hand again. I’m pissed I’ll have to possibly explain this to random people. Most of all I’m pissed off that I have to choose between a shit drug and a shittier one. But we’re going to do it. Plan B, here we come.

Ugh. I think some 90s Nick Cave would be the best way to round out a whiny rant.

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