What happens when The Expendables actors get too decrepit for their next sequel? Yeah, I know they’re trying to bring in younger blood in the most recent two movies (although, spoiler alert, young blood does not necessarily protect you in this franchise) and they’ll probably kill off the older characters magnificently and heroically in future installments as some of the actors beg off . But come along with me to imagine a world where perhaps…they didn’t?
This world could exist, say, in August, 2034.
When a group of really old former action star guys (who don’t let going to the bathroom get in their way of getting things done) get together for one last mission, they need to call on a new band of heroes for support.
[CUT TO SHOT OF SEVEN ACTORS IN WHITE SCRUBS STRIDING DOWN A NURSING HOME CORRIDOR]
Starring [STALLONE CREWS STATHAM ETC ETC ETC WHOEVER ELSE HAS BEEN ADDED TO THE ROSTER]
And featuring Pam Grier, Kathy Bates, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Yvette Nicole Brown, Catherine Deneuve, and Frankie Faison. With Louise Fletcher as the evil Nurse Scratch-it.
Note: due to a slight change in venue and the series’ overall fanaticism for accuracy, Mr. Church’s name will be changed to Mr. Nursing Home Chapel.