He’s your brother-brother? NEEEEIGH.

Seeing all the new Star Trekking Into Darkness hoopla made me want to catch up with my old trek. I’ve seen 1-4, 6, but never good ol’ reviled number 5. Well, let me tell you something. Watching Star Trek V for the first time after having seen all the rest is so. Damn. Depressing.

Three-boobed cat dancer. Uhura doing a sexy “distraction” dance on a sand dune. Horse neck-pinch. Weird directing angles and establishing shots. The giant fucking ship’s wheel in the…ship museum? Evil (or just misguided) beards. Scotty/Uhura? ROCKET BOOTS. I hurt, I hurt so bad.

MY PAIN IS THE DEEPEST OF ALL. Damn you, Shatner.

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