The Devil Pred Rides Out

O Prednisone! You never cease to amaze me with your myriad array of side effects.

Same old:

  • Hunger
  • Weird jumpy moods (I wish this meant could suddenly compete in high-jump or long-jump trials. No, it just means I twitch at the sound of a cricket.)
  • Vivid and disturbing dreams
  • High-low energy swings

Fresh effects:

  • Sahara Desert mouth, probably caused by:
  • Low blood sugar
  • Racking, emphysematic cough very similar to my neighbor’s
  • Snuffly nose
  • Racing heartbeat

When I list them out neat and orderly like that, it keeps them bland. The list doesn’t spell out how uncomfortable a dry mouth feels, or how you can be sickly and shaky and unable to sleep until you drink a glass of orange juice.

I’ve been avoiding the “Tell Your Doctor if You Have These Side Effects” segment of the Pred pharmacy instruction sheet, since I’m pretty sure most of these fresh ones appear under there. After all, I’m tapering down to 20 mg today, and so on over the next few weeks, so it’ll soon be out of my system. But that’s an easy answer from a layman. Lay lady. Whatever.

If Prednisone has suddenly decided it doesn’t want to get along with the rest of my body while it’s calming down my guts, what would I use instead? I don’t have a backup for my rescue drug. Prednisone has been my go-to emergency flare treatment for the last ten years. And TEN YEARS, my god. I can’t believe I’ve been taking pills for ten years now. What does that do to a body? I know my emotional and mental state has become either something grand and strange, or just plain strange. But are any physical parts of me irrevocably changed? A. and I keep talking about having kids, but after ten years of taking Imuran and Colazal and off-and-on Prednisone, is it responsible to think that my body (even combined with the steely fortitude of A.’s digestive genetic heritage), held upright by a daily handful of meds, can and should produce a healthy baby?

Which of course makes me think that trying for a baby is a great idea. Because I, like most humans, channel John Locke from Lost in the face of adversity.

But it’s a gorgeous day, and I’m down to 20 mg. Here’s a trailer from The Devil Rides Out:

Hammer films and Charles Grey: the soothing balm to any sore and nervous colon.

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