Lately I’ve been getting bombarded with a new kind of limp-dick spam. In addition to the giant bright sans-serif font blast of four reasons why I should click on the spam-link (“it’s much cheaper,” “it’s confidentally,” “you don’t have to leave home,” and “nobody will disturb you.” I find that last one…a little disturbing, don’t you?), there are some interesting specifics about these emails.
1. It’s not really for a specific product. Okay, so Viagra is named, but only in one of the emails. It’s all about the “online pharmacy” and the confidentally, yo.
2. The sender addresses display as random consonants. Like they’ve been disemvowelled! Wow, I must really sound like it’s my first trip to the races. Oh, well.
3. White/invisible text. No, I’m not talking about the opposite of subtext, or some freaky Aryan race/ethnicity agenda. In the white space, the spammers inserted some fabulous chunks of mangled English that read like a lost stream-of-consciousness Surrealist novel. Some of my favorite bits (spelling/caps errors edited for, er, clarity, ha ha):
– The monument in stood that I by plaza squinting there hand no Yurkovsky, December raised in center scales.
– …than contemptuously gold letters the extension fifteen-story funny.
– of memory are they they of town and old are Spot Uranus.
– For yard opened heart. While case green smell discovery, asleep, all parents below.
– Stay fast Dad.
– He then to with playing been the so dark stuff slept fitting the and I waken sky of me…the sky bakers them…looking jewelry the eyes.
– in the stereonewspapers his a cigarettes dust dose, overalls and but ivy for the stars.
Horrible gibberish, isn’t it? And yet strangely compelling…