Sweets to the Sweet, or, How to gain back that thigh weight after your flareup, just like your favorite size 0 actress readying for a serious role!


Caramel Sauce
1 cup butter or margarine
2 1/4 cups brown sugar
dash salt
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup light corn syrup (yep, 1 cup. Try not to die)
1 cup sweetened condensed milk (which you can make, see below)

Melt butter with sugar and let cook on low for a bit, stirring. Add everything else and stir until cooked and combined. Don’t let it boil, but you should get all the grains of sugar dissolved. It can get thick. Pour over apple slices or banana slices or vanilla ice cream. Don’t think about your arteries or pertinent organs. Think meat on bones and sugar and oh-god-the-goodness-it-is-disgusting.

To make the milk and really know how gross this recipe is: combine 1 cup powdered milk, 1/3 cup boiling water, 2/3 cups granulated sugar and 3 T butter in a blender. The Suzy Homemaker version beats Eagle Brand in the can every time.

Come on, it’s GOOD when your thighs touch. It’s sexy!


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