Do any of you fellow UC or Crohns’ folks out there indulge in the occasional self-deception? I mean, occasionally I’ll forget I have ulcerative colitis for part of a day, usually due to the following factors:
1. It’s oh-so-quiet on the bowel front. No pain, no flare ups, no rumbly noises while sitting in the quiet study areas.
2. Usually I run about eight-ten hours between pill-popping sessions.
3. My memory is getting reeeeally bad.
This can result in me forgetting to take my pills, which can be bad. That’s pretty good for self-deception, isn’t it? That after living with this disease for seven years, I still occasionally forget I’m sick. I don’t think this is the same as faking it; it’s probably just my brain’s defense mechanism against what it recognizes as my natural Why-Me Emo Tendencies.
But sometimes I do it on purpose. “Hmmm, I need some caffeine!” I announce loudly. (To no one, because the break room should be empty if you’re going to do this.) “But there’s no tea left. Yet I must stay awake, whatever shall I do? Too bad coffee gives me the boiling shits! Whatever shall I do – ” etc., while pouring a bit of coffee into my powdered hot chocolate mix. Success! Until, of course, two hours later when my colon is woken from its drugged slumber with a bath of fresh Local City(tm) Volcanic Acid Blend and I have to hightail it to the toilet, but that’s beside the point. Or maybe that is the point. I’m not sure.
I’ve done this with coffee, Cheetoes, and beer; sometimes it works for when I know a meal’s too big but I want to finish it because it’s chocolate-based or cheese-based or just wonderfully fried in wonderful deep fat. Every time, I manage to convince myself that this time, my colon might not react. I justify this by dragging out some variation of:
a. If you do the same thing over and over and expect different results, you’re insane. (Not quite how the statement goes. Also serves to prove that my self-deception will NOT work and is evidence of my insanity. Hrm.)
b. Who knows when my body may spontaneously decide to accept coffee again? I gotta be ready. With some coffee on hand.
c. What ulcerative colitis? What colon? Lalalalalaalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa
So what is this? Some sort of infinite self-delusional recursion? Convenient amnesia? (Heh. “Who am I, where am I and, Jesus, why is my ass bleeding?”) Or the obvious answer: self-indulgence? I’m gonna go with that last one. While I enjoy this lovely mug of powdered hot chocolate and coffee.
To relax all painful guts everywhere, here’s a funny:
Good Show Sir: only the worst scifi/fantasy book covers, which I saw today via The Daily Dish.
After all, as good old Father L. Ron would say, “Laughter is definitely the relief of painful emotion.” Right on, L. Ron. Right on.