Shut up, reactive mind, just shut up! It’s all your faaaaaaaaaault.

Do any of you fellow UC or Crohns’ folks out there indulge in the occasional self-deception? I mean, occasionally I’ll forget I have ulcerative colitis for part of a day, usually due to the following factors:

1. It’s oh-so-quiet on the bowel front. No pain, no flare ups, no rumbly noises while sitting in the quiet study areas.
2. Usually I run about eight-ten hours between pill-popping sessions.
3. My memory is getting reeeeally bad.

This can result in me forgetting to take my pills, which can be bad. That’s pretty good for self-deception, isn’t it? That after living with this disease for seven years, I still occasionally forget I’m sick. I don’t think this is the same as faking it; it’s probably just my brain’s defense mechanism against what it recognizes as my natural Why-Me Emo Tendencies.

But sometimes I do it on purpose. “Hmmm, I need some caffeine!” I announce loudly. (To no one, because the break room should be empty if you’re going to do this.) “But there’s no tea left. Yet I must stay awake, whatever shall I do? Too bad coffee gives me the boiling shits! Whatever shall I do – ” etc., while pouring a bit of coffee into my powdered hot chocolate mix. Success! Until, of course, two hours later when my colon is woken from its drugged slumber with a bath of fresh Local City(tm) Volcanic Acid Blend and I have to hightail it to the toilet, but that’s beside the point. Or maybe that is the point. I’m not sure.

I’ve done this with coffee, Cheetoes, and beer; sometimes it works for when I know a meal’s too big but I want to finish it because it’s chocolate-based or cheese-based or just wonderfully fried in wonderful deep fat. Every time, I manage to convince myself that this time, my colon might not react. I justify this by dragging out some variation of:

a. If you do the same thing over and over and expect different results, you’re insane. (Not quite how the statement goes. Also serves to prove that my self-deception will NOT work and is evidence of my insanity. Hrm.)
b. Who knows when my body may spontaneously decide to accept coffee again? I gotta be ready. With some coffee on hand.
c. What ulcerative colitis? What colon? Lalalalalaalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa

So what is this? Some sort of infinite self-delusional recursion? Convenient amnesia? (Heh. “Who am I, where am I and, Jesus, why is my ass bleeding?”) Or the obvious answer: self-indulgence? I’m gonna go with that last one. While I enjoy this lovely mug of powdered hot chocolate and coffee.

To relax all painful guts everywhere, here’s a funny:
Good Show Sir: only the worst scifi/fantasy book covers, which I saw today via The Daily Dish.

After all, as good old Father L. Ron would say, “Laughter is definitely the relief of painful emotion.” Right on, L. Ron. Right on.


3 thoughts on “Shut up, reactive mind, just shut up! It’s all your faaaaaaaaaault.

  1. I've set up a semi herbal dietary based treatment plan for myself that seems to have kept me off the nasty drugs for half a year so far (knocks on the wooden toilet seat) though still on mesalamine pills.

    Sometimes when I have been fine for a while I start thinking, “Hey, maybe its gone. Yeah, it got bored and left. I'm going to go ahead and not worry if this restaurant adds fermented yeast products to the food. It sure tastes good…”

    Then it comes back of course.

    p/s I've tried bringing my own food when I have to go out to dinner. Makes a big fuss and so far I've only done it once. Now I try to order stuff that usually has only a few simple ingredients (and no I don't ask the server, it leads to inappropriate discussions for dinnertime).


  2. I'm glad I'm not the only one who manages to convince myself the UC has “gone away. (Even in the face of extensive evidence, ha)

    I've never tried bringing my own food to dinner, though; that's some impressive self-motivation/preservation!


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