I went to the doctor. Everything is fine. My heart is, if anything, a little slow. When the doc asked me how things had been lately, I told him I’d been a little stressed lately, (true) and my movements* had shown the effects of the stress (also true), and I’d also, oops, been forgetting to take all my medication (true, true, true). We talked about alternate medications for a while, and the overwhelming propensity of human beings to have problems adapting to required, daily handfuls of pills.
Then the doc asked me how THINGS had been lately. Apparently, lower-case “t” things meant crap, and heavily-emphasized “THINGS” meant are you having a nervous breakdown due to mental problems and chronic disease symptoms?
I fumbled and stuttered and somehow managed to perpetuate a multitude of miscommunication, to which my doctor’s reaction was “She must have broken up with her boyfriend” and also “Oh, she’s unable to pay my office-visit co-pay.” (This happened because I had requested upon my arrival that the office bill me, something which is not done in private practices. This is also the first time I realized, shit, I’m seeing a private doctor.) He assured me it was taken care of, which turned out to mean HE had paid it.
After awkward discussions with my doctor and the office administrator, I was allowed to pay my co-pay, which I did immediately, all while feeling like an ungrateful yet ethical (and stupid) jerk.
I have never, ever had a doctor offer to pay my co-pay. The only possible reasons are one of the following:
1. I am incredibly pitiful/pitiable.
2. I am smoking hot.
3. They are watching my bank accounts.
4. Doc took his entire office out to Sicko and afterwards redid the budget system.
5. I can’t communicate for a hill of beans.
6. All of the above.
I think my favorite is a combination of 2 and 4.
But embarrassment aside, apparently there’s nothing physically wrong with me. I have a feeling the doc wants to send me to a shrink or his accountant.
*Using the word movements for my bathroom sojourns makes me feel like I’m part of a military battalion, or maybe a ninja squad.